My (ex?) gf [25F] and I [29M] have been dating for almost 5 years. We moved in together and had a cat and a life. No abuse, regular amount of fighting but we had become lazy/complacent in the relationship.
Eventually she told me that she wanted to backpack south east Asia because...it was always something she wanted to do but hadn't gotten the chance out of college. At first I was like, uh okay that sucks but eventually, because I love and respect her, I supported her decision to go. We both weren't feeling the city we were in and made plans to move to another state when she returned.
In hindsight, I see that she's been running from something for a while now. Since we've been together she has changed jobs a handful of times, moved cities, countries etc. She has anxiety and tends to shut down and ignore/avoid confrontation whenever it arises (more on that below).
There was always a comedown after we moved somewhere or she started a new job as well. It would be great and then slowly she would teach herself to hate it.
Anyways, she travels for a month and a half in Thailand and Vietnam. At first she misses me and video chats and then slowly stops responding and starts ignoring me. She sends me a text a week after Valentine's Day (I had posted a sweet thing saying I loved her and no matter where she was she had my support and love...to which she said "thanks for the sweet message babe!") saying "hey babe I'm gonna travel to the Philippines and Malaysia for a month and after maybe get a job teaching in Vietnam".
Obviously I'm like wtf uh okay you're just gonna stay? She says she didn't think she'd get so swept up for there and she's not ready to come home and then ignores me for a few days. Eventually I catch her online and ask if we're okay. She gives me these weird reasons like "I don't think I can do this long term"(she was talking of marriage the day she left) and "we have different goals" (she said after her month of traveling she didn't know what she was going to do). She said "I feel really conflicted" and asked "what do you think is best?" I asked her what her goals were and that was the last I heard from her.
It's been 3 weeks since she's been ignoring me. A week in i sent her a video of me asking her to please call or video message me to work out the future of our relationship (break up with me) because 4+ years deserves more than a text but no response.
2 weeks ago I sent her a text saying, you're obviously not ready to talk or have a discussion with me right now; that's cool, take your time, I'm ready when you are. Nothing.
She hasn't blocked me on Facebook, sent breadcrumbs or posted pics of her with other guys. She hasn't told anyone she wants to break up (far as I know) and she was still following me on instagram until I blocked her for my own sanity. She knows how to reach me and I've given her the space and time she obviously needs.
I guess I'm asking, what is this? What is she thinking? Should I give up on it? Should I wait till the end of the month to see what she does? (Stay in Vietnam or fly home). I really want her to just either break up with me legit or not. I know it seems like she made it clear but everything says that she's having some kind of crisis of self over there. I understand what she's going through but lord is it tough to be in this sort of...break up limbo land. Even with no contact I just can't wrap my head around her.
TL;DR: gf said she couldn't date me anymore after traveling Asia for a month and has since ignored my requests for clarification while still not quite removing me fully from her life. Went NC. Need guidance on how to feel.
