Malaysia Detains 3 Suspected Militants, Foils Attacks
via ABC News: International
Three arrested in Malaysia over planned attacks on eve of independence day
via Reuters: World News
Forget everything you learned in college...
'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'
'But I never went to college.'
'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'
Good animal joke
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before". So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm...that was some good lion meat!". The lion abruptly stops and says " woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can". Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily "get on my back, we'll get him together". So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts "where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago..."
I was having sex with my girlfriend, and thought I'd try something new
so I stopped and completely froze in motion. She asked me "What the hell are you doing?" I said " a move I saw on pornhub.. it's called buffering"
News - Contributing Op-Ed Writer: Gridlock Comes to Kuala Lumpur
1 dead, 29 injured after blast rocks Western tourist hotspot in Thailand - reports
Read Full Article at RT.com
via RT - Daily news
Malaysian rapper arrested for ‘insulting Islam’ in new track (VIDEO)
Read Full Article at RT.com
via RT - Daily news
Malaysian Rapper Held Over Islam Insult Claims
via Skynews
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..."
"Peter, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
Thai police name suspect in deadly blasts, working with Malaysia
via Reuters: World News
My 4yr old was struggling to open his yoghurt, today.
When he suddenly mumbled, "Fucking shitty lid!". My wife immediately looked at me and said, "I wonder where he's got that from?". I said, "The fucking fridge, you silly cunt."
what is the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
one is heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
I was watching porn with the missus and she complained, "This is so unrealistic."
I said, "Just because you're unwilling to try new things, doesn't mean everyone's that frigid."
"Not that," she explained, "It's just the plumbers that come to our house have tiny dicks."
Malaysia Says Indonesian Fuel Tanker Hijacked
via ABC News: International
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it..........
He's gay, definitely gay.
Malaysia withdraws from hosting Fifa 2017 congress after refusing to issue visas to Israel delegates
via Ibtimes
My boss was honest with me today.
He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."
Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police: Then why are you reporting it now?
Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!
Carry a powerbank and watch how much money you spend, Malaysia advises Pokemon Go players
via Ibtimes
Malaysia arrests Islamic State suspects for grenade attack on bar in June
via Reuters: World News
WATCH: Rare Pygmy Elephant with 'Saber-Tooth' Tusks Spotted in Malaysia
via ABC News: International
Firefighter in Malaysia finds own father and brother among dead while responding to accident call
via Ibtimes
Malaysia and Singapore agree to share biometrics of terror suspects to curb their movements
via Ibtimes
Malaysia to foreign diplomats: Isis threat against country 'contained' for now
via Ibtimes
I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said...
"I want you to try and sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.
Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"
I said, "$200 and it's yours."
George Bush dies and goes to hell
Satan is already waiting for him.
'Well, I don't know what to do. See, you're on my list, but I have no free rooms for you. But you, you definitely have to stay in hell, so I'll have to find a solution. There are a few people here who aren't as bad as you are... I guess I'll let one go and you'll take their place. However, you can choose whose place you want to take.
'Oh, that sounds okay I guess' says Bush.
Satan leads him to the first room and opens the door. In this room, there's a huge swimming pool. In it, Reagan is drowning. He goes down, then up, then down, then up, and he's gasping for air all the while.
'Oh, no,' says Bush. 'That's not for me, I'm a poor swimmer.'
Satan opens the second door. The room is full of rocks and they see Nixon trying to break up the rocks with a wooden hammer.
'Nah, I have problems with my shoulders and my back, that'd be such a painful thing to do day after day.'
So Satan opens the third door. In the room, they see Clinton lying on the floor, all tied up. Monica Lewinsky is lying on top of Clinton, giving him a blowjob. Bush stares at the scene with a wide smile and says:
'Ah, that I could endure!'
'Alright,' laughs Satan. 'Monica, you're free to go!'
Malaysia brands Isis 'a real threat', revokes passports of 68 citizens linked to the group
via Ibtimes
Malaysian PM says U.S. Department of Justice suit doesn't involve him
via Reuters: World News
Malaysia Confirms Flight 370 Course Was on Pilot's Simulator
via ABC News: International
Malaysia confirms home simulator of MH370 pilot Zaharie Ahmad Shah had Indian Ocean flight path
via Ibtimes
Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.........?
Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"
Roadblock - @atynnaddirah awak saya tak faham lah maksud awak? Tapi saya harap saya lah yang menghiburkan hati awak tu..
Roadblock - RT @luqmanHG: @Twt_RoadBlock 7e mana ? Tiba tiba habis pulak rokok aku ni
Roadblock - Mesti sebab saye kan?π€ https://t.co/Irw196AhQ6
Roadblock - RT @fziqashrni_: "Bro, pause kejap ada zaujah kat depan tu" *sambil betulkan rambut* https://t.co/cFHwezdCic
Roadblock - RT @fziqashrni_: Me dalam hati : "bro your bullshit is overflowing right now pls stahp" https://t.co/Xn1h3BKubP
Roadblock - RT @fziqashrni_: When he talk shit too much till you can't digest what he's saying https://t.co/z8HKQAxTCv
Roadblock - RT @fziqashrni_: Layan member sembang kencang when you already know the truth be like https://t.co/LVtWFzWn07
Roadblock - RT @AqilahSahidan: Lecturer share. HAHAHAHA aku pun ingt azan halamakkk ππ https://t.co/iomNBSJ1tv
Roadblock - RT @_AmranFanz: Ragam suami isteri di media sosial: 1.Isteri tag suami kat kisah tauladan suami curang 2.Suami tag isteri kat resepi masakan dan tips diet
Roadblock - RT @FaizNadzri17: Penang 1830pm : Polis tahan rambang bawah bulatan depan airport Bayan Lepas @Twt_RoadBlock
Roadblock - 1832hrs Penang:- (J) NS Highway selepas Tol Juru hala ke Tambun #inforoadblock
Roadblock - Aku pergi 7e semalam. Cashier dia subhanallah. Mata dia ya rabbi tak tau nak cakap lawa lagu mana. Pakai purdah.
Roadblock - 1832hrs Penang:- (T) NS Highway/ susur keluar Jambatan Pertama hala ke Seberang Jaya@Juru di simpang 3 #inforoadblock
Roadblock - @atynnaddirah takpelah, janji saya boleh update tweet roadblock yang berada di hati awak tu.πππ
Roadblock - @atynnaddirah Masa awak pandang saya tu, ade tak terlintas di hati " he's the one!"?? ππ»ππ»ππ»ππ»
Roadblock - @atynnaddirah ehhh awak jangan macam ni, tadi awak tegur saya kan. Meja depan awak tadiππ
Roadblock - RT @KimiSahar: These 2 mat salleh kutip sampah pepagi and when i asked why n they replied" sick environment gets sick community " https://t.co/HaqdH2sjvl
Roadblock - RT @aadazizan: dengan awek dungun hok comey lotey orang teranu oyak https://t.co/1P4nt3R5aW
Roadblock - RT @brocuba_: Bertabahlah wahai seorang suami. Lain kali jangan esaited sangat buat kerja hahaha https://t.co/1GcEcLn4OA
Roadblock - TIPS PALING UTAMA! DUIT BERKEPOK! Wallet tebal. "I tak pandang wang menjamin kebahagiaan" bullshit. https://t.co/4CT14tF8AV
Malaysia man charged with rape escapes jail by marrying 14-year old victim
via The Independent - World
Roadblock - RT @JohorTigers: Kedudukan JDT dalam Liga Super 2016 selepas 16 perlawanan. https://t.co/iypkDCBLHU
Roadblock - RT @_____JaneGinger: Tips untuk abang abang: Kalau nak tackle perempuan, jangan gelojoh. Slow but steady πͺπ»
Roadblock - 1658hrs Penang: Roadblock T highway lee choe yeow (lorong motor) dari tesco extra menghala jetty/padang kota lama. #inforoadblock_U
Roadblock - RT @Widawuuyooo: I hate you. I love you. I hate that i love you. You want her. You need her. And i'll never be her.
Roadblock - RT @ShamimmNadzeri: @brgEXTRAsjk @Twt_RoadBlock ni lawak copy paste
Roadblock - RT @brgEXTRAsjk: bagaimana itik naik bukit ? dia menducky bukit. HMMMMMMBANGANGNYA
Roadblock - RT @ShaFinna3: babe, aku dah lama tahu kau kaki kikis duit org. dulu ex kau takde duit. sbb tu kau tinggalkan. hahaha
Roadblock - RT @brgsjks: "Study apa?" "Medic" "Oh kena panggil Doctor la ni?" "Panggil sayang pun tak apa" "Kesiannya. Dahlah menganggur, gedik pulak tu."
Roadblock - RT @brocuba_: "Awak tahu tak apa persamaan awak dgn burger mcD?" "Sebab dua2 sedap kan?" "Tak, dlm gambar cantik, tengok depan2 buruk" "Ok kita clash"
Roadblock - RT @_BECEK: ajak dia lepak, nak mengadu dekat dia https://t.co/Aeh1Sdx2Od
Roadblock - RT @brgsjks: Ada tak sugar daddy ajar sugarbaby dia mengaji dan kembali ke jalan benar?
Roadblock - RT @BujangJalang_: Bila jantan kaya bagi duit dan bela engko, engko okay. bila lelaki kaya kawin empat engko mengamuk. Lancau lah.
Roadblock - RT @nuyulhuda: Kena mengorat ni memang seronok. Rasa diri ni laku dan ramai orang kejar dekat kita. Lepas tu jadi tamak dan layankan je semua jantan.
Roadblock - RT @izzuadjahat: Kalau makwe kau bodoh, jangan nak salahkan semua perempuan sama. Kau dengan makwe kau je yg bodoh. Lelaki je takpe, sebab lelaki semua sama.
Roadblock - RT @_amaluddin: Melentur buluh biarlah dari rebungnya. For a better Malaysia we need better parents; yes, our generation. https://t.co/c1VoBIfPE0
Roadblock - RT @ashrafbukhoree: Roadblock Abam JPJ dkt bawah jambatan alamanda putrajaya @Twt_RoadBlock
Roadblock - 1100hrs Kuala Lumpur: RB T U-Turn Tesco Ampang hala Pandan/Perabot Cempaka #myna #TIcrewCentralπ #inforoadblock
Roadblock - 1100hrs Kuala Lumpur: RB T Hadapan Tiara Condominium hala LRT Ampang #myna #TIcrewCentralπ #inforoadblock
Roadblock - 1100hrs Kuala Lumpur: RB T Slps Susur Taman Daya/FRIM hala Taman Ehsan Kepong #myna #TIcrewCentralπ #inforoadblock
Roadblock - 1102hrs Selangor : RB J di Tol Sg.Penchala menghala Hartamas. Laluan motorsikal. #TIcrewCentral09π #Inforoadblock
Roadblock - RT @SyafiqHazid: @AmirArifin666 @Twt_RoadBlock lalu tadi dah siap kemas dah. So selamat π
Roadblock - 0915hrs Johor: RB (T) dari Kulai Besar hala ke Saleng,bawah flyover IOI Mall. #irbJDT #Inforoadblock
Roadblock - 0915hrs Perak: RB (J) selepas Plaza Tol Taiping Utara menghala ke pusat bandar. #Inforoadblock
Roadblock - 0845hrs Selangor : Roadblock T dari Sieramas menghala Kepong sebelom Caltex. #TIcrewCentral08π #Inforoadblock
Roadblock - 0840hrs Selangor: RB (T) di Seksyen 27 Shah Alam,selepas bulatan Sharp. Tahan semua kenderaan. #Inforoadblock
Roadblock - 2345hrs KL : (P) susur masuk ke Kpg Pandan dari MRR2 selepas TESCO. Tahan rambang. #Inforoadblock_C3⃣
Roadblock - 2332hrs Penang : (J) selepas exit Tol Sg Dua menghala selatan. Fokus kenderaan berat.. #GORcrew #inforoadblock
Roadblock - RT @SyedSaddiq: We keep on ordering women to do A/B/C but rarely check on what WE SHOULD BE DOING INSTEAD. Women are not objects of our desires to craft.
Roadblock - RT @SyedSaddiq: I hate it that women are always the target of "tak tutup aurat" attacks. It signals clear prejudice/sexism.
Roadblock - RT @muftimenk: When you feel lonely, empty & frustrated, know it's all part of your trials & tribulations. Guide your heart back to the Almighty for peace.
Roadblock - RT @hafizhamidun: Kawan saya Ikbal Kamaruddin, accident di Cyberjaya. Kes langgar lari. Kalau ada info / saksi mohon lapor PDRM. https://t.co/BTm5KkItl6
Roadblock - RT @syfqh63: Semua yang tanda X tu tak diluluskan KKM okay gais . Nasib dah stop pakai dnars π₯ @twt_kecantikan https://t.co/l8fYk0INhq
Roadblock - RT @didinkimi: Yang ni aku tak tahan ππ https://t.co/PoRAsR39zg
Roadblock - RT @AinnnnnnZ: I used to do all this epic things time sekolah rendah ππππππππ https://t.co/ubwQfksIGM
Roadblock - RT @LelakiJelita: How to lie to a girl 1. Don't, she always found out
Roadblock - RT @aniz_mardhiah: How to lie to a boy 1. Just lie, he won't found out
Roadblock - RT @ThirtySecFights: Yo this is crazy...WTF https://t.co/nsUUX4cX0w
Roadblock - RT @SueRosyaidah: Jellybeans.... https://t.co/dVAnAgfLSf
Roadblock - RT @TheUrbanSlangs: When your dog's got better moves that you https://t.co/MAI6uJ2Xho
Roadblock - RT @izzathazwan: HAAAA TAW TAKUT ADA AWEK LAWA DAH BERKENAN DGN BF KAU. HAAHAHAH CANCEL TROSS https://t.co/Pr8Nw1hp4G
Roadblock - RT @nvddy_: syarikat penerbangan paling kurang ajar .hu hu hu https://t.co/tjYzIZtNKM
Roadblock - RT @pidutDin: Dan lagi ni kalau nak p interview polis baantuan time square
Roadblock - RT @girlposts: me before and after someone gets me food https://t.co/wDm7XQDCeH
Roadblock - RT @skinnyondinie: Should I stick with my HG Biore or try this Bifesta? π€ #help https://t.co/r6ToIofUpR
Roadblock - RT @imanazmn: Tgh kira dosa https://t.co/hC4MeQ6say
Roadblock - RT @ikmalidhamm: @Twt_RoadBlock fikir pasal ni je hmmnn https://t.co/0qidHuywv7
Roadblock - RT @farhanuarz: tgh kira hutang negara https://t.co/1Ho1AIMtq3
Roadblock - RT @fitri199370: @Twt_RoadBlock tngh mndi kn biniπ€π€
Roadblock - RT @Losssai: Hisap gam https://t.co/sxk0STq8H1
Roadblock - @aimeeahmad macam gini pun ada ek?? Kalau tau rupa alat sulit tu kenapa? Hilang insecure ke?? Tanye je..πππ
Roadblock - RT @aimeeahmad: Tengok betis sebab nak tahu rupa alat sulit perempuan tu macam mana. https://t.co/G8UxSmnT1a
Roadblock - RT @MalequeArrasyid: Tengah tengok tumit siapa yg merah π https://t.co/25UTgJsdFj
Roadblock - RT @Sezenul: Layan je kebodohan melayu kat timeline petang-2 ni. https://t.co/LkGL5fK0wV
Roadblock - RT @SyawalGhazali: Tunggu posmen datang bawa surat dr SPA https://t.co/iLM7OrKujQ
Roadblock - RT @_____JaneGinger: Time org nk balik kerja pun?πͺ https://t.co/g5mx6GbXA0
Roadblock - 1710hrs Penang:- (T) menghala ke Taman Merak selepas Trafik Light Tambun Indah #inforoadblock
Roadblock - RT @gossipgriII: i bought a phone case online but didnt realize it was for a 6 plus so i gave it to my dad he loves it https://t.co/yKvUeAqDj6
Roadblock - RT @IzzadZahari: "Bang, tumpang tanya?" "Ya" "Diorang ikut jalan mana tadi?" "Sana" "Terima kasih bang" https://t.co/TG0aR47aNP
Roadblock - 1640hrs Johor: Speedtrap KM64 PLUS Highway Simpang Renggam menghala Machap, Tembak bawah flyover arah selatan. #Inforoadblock
Roadblock - 1630hrs Pahang : Roadblock T di KM226 LPT 1 Highway, tahan pesalah had laju .. #inforoadblock
Roadblock - 1630hrs Pahang : Speedtrap (T) di KM228 dekat Gambang LPT 1 Highway menghala K. Lumpur #inforoadblock
Roadblock - 1617hrs Penang : (T) Smpng Ampat menghala Pmtg Tinggi depan Masjid. Tahan rambang.. #inforoadblock
Roadblock - 1010hrs Johor: Speedtrap di Jalan Skudai - Senai. Tembak arah Skudai bawah flyover Highway PLUS. Zon hadlaju 70KM/J. #Inforoadblock
Roadblock - 1007hrs Selangor: Rb (T) selepas exit dari KLIA 2. Tahan semua kenderaan. #TIcrewCentral04π #Inforoadblock
Roadblock - 0955hrs Terengganu:Roadblock (T) Dpan kilang Bata Gong Bdak.Dari Arah Batu6 Menghala ke UMT.Sblum Hock Kee Seng Gong Badak.. #inforoasblock
Roadblock - 0949hrs Selangor : Rb T sebelum pintu gerbang Bukit Puchong dari Puchong Gateway..anggota standby sblm rb.. #TIcrewCentral08π #inforoadblock
Malaysia: Monkeys attack postman and steal letters being delivered at army camp in Malacca
via Ibtimes
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?"
God said,
"I think I'm going to call it a day."